Falling for someone you cant be with

As I have already mentioned, I have fallen for someone who does not want to be with me and that truely is one of the worst feelings in the world.

I have known her for years but its only since March this year that anything between us has happened. I was just getting over my ex leaving me the year before and she had just gotten out of a relationship herself.

We started to flirt, nothing bad, just innocent stuff. However this changed and we decided to hook up. After the first time we decided we liked this and wanted to be fuck buddies.

Its being going like that up to this moment and most likely futher into the future too. The problem is around April time I started to get feelings for her and I know that wernt part of the deal with the whole thing so I didnt mention it to her.

Sadly though these things get out and due to "unforseen circumstances" I was forced to tell her everything. That day was probs one of the worst Ive had this year so far, it stressed me out so badly, I couldnt sit still, I was shaking and had the sweats. I truly felt sick.

After I told her she made it clear it was just the fuck buddy thing she wanted (I already knew this since I aint the only one shes hooking up with) and we continued how we are. Its really starting to get to me though. She really is an amazing person and I do wish I could have something with her. I think its just that we have so much in common and Im really trying to make this sound not cliche but I know Im failing badly.

I also know if it was anyone else doing what she is doing, then I would probs call her a slut or cheap or something along those lines but I really cant bring myself to do it. It pisses me off I guess.

Shes at a music festival tonight and the rest of the weekend. I know shes gonna hook up, its just how she is, and Im sitting here feeling horrible about it, I feel like Im missing out and I find myself jealous when thinking about her hooking up with someone (that is a new experience for me) and I dont like it at all.

I just wish I had a chance thats all.

IM